The Weight of Holding It All: How Chronic Stress Shows Up in a Woman's Body
- Kimberly DeShields-Spencer
- Jul 25
- 6 min read
Maria didn’t notice it at first.
The tightness in her chest. The way her jaw clenched as she answered yet another late-night email. The fact that her left eye twitched every time someone asked her what was for dinner.
“I’m just tired,” she kept saying. “It’s just a busy season.”
But the season never ended.
Maria was the reliable one. The one people called when they needed something, anything. She was raising two kids, managing a growing team at work, attending church leadership meetings, helping her aging parents navigate doctor’s visits, and checking in on friends who were struggling.
She was everyone’s go-to.
But she had nowhere to go for herself.
The pressure was constant, like a drumbeat just beneath her skin. She lived by her color-coded calendar and told herself she’d rest after this next deadline, or once the kids were out of school, or when things settled down.
But they never did.
She started waking up exhausted, even after 8 hours of sleep. Her face lost its glow. Her stomach hurt after almost every meal. Her cycle changed. Her anxiety heightened. And yet, she pushed through, like many women do — not because she was superhuman, but because she thought she didn’t have a choice.
When the Body Says “Enough”
The breaking point didn’t come in a dramatic moment. It came quietly, on an ordinary Tuesday morning.
Maria stood in the kitchen pouring coffee, and as she reached for the creamer, her hand trembled. Her heart suddenly pounded in her chest. She couldn’t catch her breath. She sat down on the floor, head spinning, and whispered, “What is happening to me?”
It wasn’t a heart attack, though it felt like one. It was a panic attack. The doctor later explained: “Your body is showing signs of chronic stress. It’s been sounding alarms for a while now. You just haven’t been able to hear them.”
That conversation unraveled something inside her, not in a destructive way, but in a revealing one.
For the first time, Maria realized that her body wasn’t betraying her.
It was trying to save her.
The Invisible Load Women Carry
Maria’s story is not rare. It’s painfully common.
Chronic stress often shows up in women not with one explosive event, but through the slow and quiet erosion of their health, energy, joy, and presence.
It’s the invisible load that so many women carry:
Keeping the home running smoothly while working full-time.
Supporting everyone else’s emotions while suppressing their own.
Carrying the mental checklist of groceries, appointments, birthdays, and responsibilities.
Holding the fear of letting someone down if they say no or set a boundary.
This load is so constant, so familiar, that many women stop realizing it’s even there — until their body starts whispering… or screaming.
How Chronic Stress Manifests in a Woman’s Body
Let’s be clear: stress is not just in your head. It has physical consequences, especially when it becomes chronic — that is, when the body doesn’t get a break from being in “fight or flight” mode.
Here’s how it often shows up:
1. Hormonal Disruption
Chronic stress increases cortisol, which can disrupt the balance of estrogen, progesterone, and thyroid hormones. This can lead to:
Irregular or painful periods
Fertility issues
Hair thinning or loss
Menopausal symptoms flare early.
2. Gut and Digestive Issues
Stress literally shuts down digestion. Your body perceives stress as a threat and prioritizes survival over gut health. This causes:
Bloating, cramps, or nausea
Acid reflux
IBS
Food sensitivities
3. Sleep Problems
Even when you’re tired, your nervous system may be stuck in overdrive. This leads to:
Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep
Waking up wired at 2 or 3 a.m.
Poor quality sleep that leaves you drained
4. Muscle Tension and Pain
Stress lives in the body. For many women, it hides in:
The shoulders, neck, and jaw
The lower back
The hips (yes, emotions can live there)
The chest (making breathing feel shallow or tight)
5. Brain Fog and Forgetfulness
Chronic cortisol can interfere with memory and concentration. You might feel:
Scattered
Easily overwhelmed
Like you’re constantly “on,” but barely absorbing anything.
6. Emotional Numbness
At some point, the body becomes so exhausted from carrying the emotional load that it shuts down:
You feel distant from yourself.
You’re no longer excited about what once brought you joy.
You cry easily… or not at all.
Why Women Don’t Always Ask for Help
Many women don’t speak up because they’ve normalized pain. Exhaustion becomes expected. Anxiety is dismissed as just part of life. And even more damaging, asking for help feels like failure.
You’re told to be strong, so you ignore the signs. You’re told to be grateful, so you don’t complain.
You’re told you can “have it all,” so you feel guilty for struggling to carry it all. But there’s another way. A better way.
How Maria Began to Heal (and How You Can Too)
Maria didn’t flip a switch. Healing wasn’t overnight. But it was intentional. Here are the practical things she began to do — things you can begin to do, too:
1. Name the Load
Maria took out a journal and listed everything she was holding: mentally, emotionally, and physically.
That awareness changed everything.
Try it: Write down every commitment, every responsibility, and every role you’re managing. Then ask: What can be delegated, delayed, or dropped?
2. Create Non-Negotiable Rest
She blocked off 30 minutes each day — just for herself. Sometimes she napped. Other days she stretched, cried, read, or journaled. But she made it sacred. You don’t need hours. Start with 15–30 minutes. And guard it like you would a meeting with your boss.
3. Feed Her Nervous System
Instead of scrolling through social media while overwhelmed, she chose activities that reset her nervous system:
Deep breathing (4-7-8 breath)
Listening to calming music
Laying down with a weighted blanket
Practicing progressive muscle relaxation
Walking outside and naming five things she could see or hear
These techniques signal to your brain: I’m safe. You can soften.
4. Redefine Strength
Maria stopped associating strength with over-functioning. Real strength, she realized, was honesty. Vulnerability. Letting others in. She began telling the truth to her therapist, her family, and most importantly, to herself. You don’t have to wear the cape all the time. You can put it down. You’re still powerful without it.
5. Let Things Be “Good Enough”
Dinner didn’t have to be homemade every night. Her kids didn’t need a perfect mom — they needed a present one. Her emails could wait. The laundry could sit. Perfection is a heavy load. Trade it for presence.
Bonus: A Few Things That Helped Maria Reconnect with Herself
A Sunday evening ritual — lighting a candle, putting on worship music, reviewing the week ahead with kindness
Saying “no” without explanation
Journaling with the prompt: What is one thing my body is trying to tell me today?
Putting her phone in another room at night
Asking for hugs. Physical touch helped her nervous system reset.
You Were Never Meant to Carry It All
If you’re reading this and thinking, 'This sounds like me, ' I want to say: You are not broken gently. You are not dramatic. And you are absolutely not alone. You are a human woman with limits. And acknowledging those limits doesn’t make you weak — it makes you wise. We are not supposed to be machines. Even God rested on the seventh day — not because He was tired, but to model rhythm.
You were created to ebb and flow. To work and rest. To give and receive.
So give yourself permission:
To pause.
To breathe.
To not be okay all the time.
To say “this is too much” and “I need help.”
Final Words
Maria’s journey didn’t end when the panic stopped. Her healing was a return, not just to balance, but to herself. She started laughing again — not out of politeness, but joy. She started dreaming again. Sleeping through the night. Holding space for her own emotions instead of everyone else’s. Her body softened. Her spirit did too. And yours can, too.
So let this be your invitation. To release the weight. To rest without guilt. To begin again — slowly, gently, and without apology. You were never meant to hold it all. And you don’t have to — not anymore.
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We rise better together.
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