Let’s Redefine Strength: Why Every Friend Deserves a Check-In

By: Behind Her Brand

We've all heard it before: "Check on your strong friends." It's a powerful reminder that the people who seem to have it all together might be carrying the heaviest burdens. But can we take this idea a step further? Can we make it a practice to check in on all the people in our lives, not just the ones we assume might be struggling?

The Truth About Strength and Silence

Strength is often a performance. The friend who always gives the best advice, the sibling who seems unfazed by life’s chaos, the colleague who never misses a deadline—these are the people we sometimes assume don’t need support. But strength doesn’t mean someone isn’t struggling. In fact, the people who are the go-to for everyone else may be the ones who need someone to check in on them the most.

Then there are the silent ones. The friend who slowly stops responding to texts. The family member who cancels plans without explanation. The co-worker who was once chatty in meetings but now only speaks when necessary. Sometimes, when life is really lifing, people retreat. They disappear into their own worlds, not because they don’t want support, but because they don’t know how to ask for it.

The Fear of Being Seen Struggling

Not everyone is comfortable being vulnerable. Some people have spent their entire lives perfecting the art of looking like they have it all together. They believe that showing struggle equals showing weakness. Maybe they grew up in environments where they had to be self-sufficient. Maybe they’ve been let down before when they tried to reach out. Whatever the reason, these people need check-ins just as much—if not more—than the ones who openly express their struggles.

Make "Checking In" a Lifestyle, Not a One-Time Act

Let’s shift the conversation. Instead of only reminding ourselves to check on our strong friends, let’s create a culture where checking in is simply what we do. A quick “Hey, how’s life treating you?” or “I was just thinking about you” can go a long way. And when we make it a habit, we create a space where the people we care about know they have a safe place to land when they need it most.

Real-Life Example: The Friend Who Goes Silent

Think about that one friend who used to be super active in your group chat but suddenly went radio silent. Maybe they’re just busy—but maybe they’re not. I once had a friend who slowly started withdrawing. At first, I assumed she was just caught up with work. But after weeks of silence, I finally sent a simple, “Hey, I miss you. How’s your heart?” That small message opened up a whole conversation about the stress she had been hiding. She didn’t reach out because she thought she had to handle it alone, but knowing someone noticed her absence made all the difference.

Real-Life Example: The One Who Always Says "I’m Fine"

We all have that friend who always insists they’re fine. No matter what’s happening in their life, they brush off concerns and redirect the conversation back to you. But “I’m fine” isn’t always fine. One time, a friend of mine, who was always the strong, supportive one, seemed a little off. When I asked if they were okay, they predictably responded with, “I’m good.” Instead of letting it go, I followed up with, “Are you really? You don’t have to be if you’re not.” That pause—giving them the space to admit they weren’t okay—led to them finally opening up about feeling overwhelmed and alone.

How to Check In (Even When You Don’t Know What to Say)

If you’re not sure how to check in on someone, here are a few simple ways:

1. Be Specific – Instead of a generic “How are you?” try something more personal like:

   • "Hey, I noticed you’ve been quiet lately. Is everything okay?"

   • "I know you’ve had a lot going on—how are you really feeling?"

2. Offer, Don’t Just Ask – Sometimes people don’t want to just talk; they need an action step:

   • "Do you want to grab coffee and vent?"

   • "I’m here if you need a listening ear or a distraction. Let me know which one."

3. Check In Again – If they brush you off, that doesn’t mean they’re fine. Sometimes, the first check-in isn’t the one that gets through. Follow up with a simple:

   • "I’m still thinking about you. I’m here when you’re ready."

     
     

Creating a Culture of Connection

When we make it a habit to check in on the people in our lives—regardless of how strong they seem or how quiet they become—we create a culture of connection. The people we care about will know they don’t have to be at their breaking point to be heard. They’ll know that they don’t have to be the “strong one” all the time. They’ll know they have a place to turn before things get overwhelming.

Because the truth is, when you consistently check in on those who matter, they will know exactly where to go when they need to be real and truly connect.

So, let’s not wait for someone to show visible signs of struggle. Let’s not assume that silence means strength or that strength means someone doesn’t need support. Let’s check in, always. Because the people we love deserve to be seen, heard, and supported—no matter what.

Beyond the Check-In: Taking Action

Checking in is just the first step. Sometimes, our loved ones need more than words—they need action. That might mean helping them with small tasks when they feel overwhelmed, being physically present when they’re feeling alone, or encouraging them to seek professional help when necessary. Checking in should be more than just a habit—it should be a foundation for deeper, more meaningful relationships.

Let’s also make space for those check-ins to be reciprocated. When we check in on others, we also open the door for them to check in on us. A culture of connection is a two-way street, and we all deserve to be seen, supported, and uplifted. So let’s make it a commitment: check in, follow up, take action, and keep showing up.