How Financial Avoidance Masquerades as “Staying Positive”
- Kimberly DeShields-Spencer
- Jul 25
- 6 min read
Why “good vibes only” can keep smart women stuck—and how to break free.
She sat across from me at the café, tears quietly building in the corners of her eyes.
“I just want to keep my energy high,” she whispered. “I know everything will work out. I’m trusting God… I’m just not going to stress about the money.”
But when the waitress brought the check, she hesitated.
Her eyes flicked down quickly, then back up with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“I’ll just put it on my card for now.”
This was a woman who, from the outside, looked like she had it all together. She was a business coach with a growing following; she spoke with confidence and clarity, and her Instagram feed was filled with affirmations, coffee cups, and curated positivity.
But behind the scenes?
She was avoiding her finances like they were a bad ex.
No budget. No plan. No clarity .Just vibes.
And she’s not alone.
In fact, she’s more common than you might think—especially among high-achieving women, faith-driven leaders, and heart-centered entrepreneurs.
Somewhere along the journey of building her brand, she adopted a belief that looking at money, tracking expenses, or facing hard financial truths was “low vibe,” unfaithful, or “not walking in abundance.”
So instead of facing her finances, she masked avoidance with spiritual-sounding language, high-energy mantras, and relentless optimism.
What Is Financial Avoidance?
Financial avoidance is when we intentionally or unconsciously steer clear of money-related tasks, conversations, or realities. It can look like:
Not opening bills or bank statements
Avoiding conversations with a partner or accountant
Ignoring how much debt we’ve accumulated
Failing to budget or track income/expenses
Hoping things improve without taking financial action
It’s often rooted in fear, shame, or overwhelm—but dressed up in positivity, it can be tricky to even recognize.
This is especially true when “staying positive” becomes a shield.
The Positivity Mask
Financial avoidance often masquerades as:
“I’m just trusting the process. “I’m staying in alignment with abundance. “I don’t focus on lack—I focus on overflow. “I’m keeping my peace and not stressing. “I’m calling it in—I don’t need to chase money.”
None of these statements is wrong on its own. Faith and mindset matter. Energy is real.
But when those phrases become an excuse not to act, that’s when positivity turns toxic.
Here’s the truth: Positivity without stewardship is just denial in disguise.
Why We Do It
Let’s be honest—money can be emotional.
And for many women, especially those raised in households where money was tight or never discussed, finances can feel intimidating or even shameful.
Here are just a few of the deeper reasons why financial avoidance hides behind positivity:
1. Shame from Past Mistakes
You’ve made some financial decisions you regret, so it feels easier to “move forward” and “stay positive” rather than revisit what went wrong.
2. Fear of What You’ll Find
You suspect the numbers aren’t good—but if you don’t look, you don’t have to confirm it.
3. Cultural Conditioning
Many women have been taught not to talk about money. That it’s “greedy,” “unspiritual,” or “unattractive” to focus on finances.
4. Toxic Spirituality
In some faith circles, discussing money feels “worldly,” so women avoid financial conversations and lean into passive faith: “God will provide.”
5. Performance Pressure
You’ve built a brand or image that looks successful, and facing the real numbers might threaten that image—even if only in your own mind.
The Cost of Avoidance
Here’s the kicker: Avoiding your finances doesn’t protect your peace. It robs it.
Here’s what financial avoidance can actually cost:
Missed opportunities
Debt accumulation
Emotional exhaustion
Inconsistent business growth
Strained relationships
Low financial confidence
When we avoid money, we shrink our options. We surrender our choices. We hand over power to fear in the name of “peace.”
What Real Positivity Looks Like
Real positivity isn’t ignoring reality.
It’s believing that you can handle the truth—and grow from it.
It’s choosing hope after you’ve opened the bills. It’s speaking life after you’ve looked at the budget. It’s aligning with abundance while also managing what you already have.
Real positivity has a backbone.
It says, “This might not be where I want to be, but I have the power to shift it.”
7 Ways to Break the Cycle of Financial Avoidance
1. Name It Without Shame
Why it matters: You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge. Many women carry silent guilt or embarrassment about how they’ve handled money. But healing begins with honesty, not self-judgment.
What to do:
Say it out loud or journal it: “I’ve been avoiding my finances because _____.”
Replace shame with curiosity. Ask: What was I trying to protect myself from?
Normalize the experience. Financial fear is not a character flaw—it’s a conditioned response.
Affirmation: “I can’t fix what I avoid, but I can change what I face—with grace.”
2. Create a Weekly ‘Money Date’
Why it matters: Avoidance thrives in chaos. But clarity builds confidence. A regular “money date” provides structure to your financial life and makes your relationship with money consistent, rather than crisis-driven.
What to do:
Set a specific time each week (e.g., Sundays at 7 PM).
Make it a ritual: light a candle, grab a cup of tea, and play calming music.
Review the past week’s expenses, income, upcoming bills, savings goals, and any financial decisions.
Bonus tip: Pair your money date with a reward to reinforce the habit.
Affirmation: “I honor myself by staying connected to my money.”
3. Open the Envelopes. Log In to the Accounts.
Why it matters: Avoiding the numbers increases anxiety. Most of the time, the reality is less scary than what we’ve built up in our heads. Clarity enables us to create a plan, make informed decisions, and reclaim our power.
What to do:
Pick a non-emotional time to log in or open mail.
Start with the basics:
What’s in your account?
What’s coming in this week?
What’s going out?
Track it all in one place—spreadsheet, app, or notebook.
Affirmation: “I am strong enough to face the truth and wise enough to handle it.”
4. Partner with a Financial Coach or Advisor
Why it matters: You don’t have to do it alone. Bringing in a trusted guide helps you move faster, reduce emotional overwhelm, and make empowered decisions from a place of knowledge, not fear.
What to do:
Look for a values-aligned financial coach, planner, or accountability partner.
Choose someone who offers support without shame.
Seek free literacy resources if you’re just starting out.
Affirmation: “Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. I deserve support.”
5. Use Faith as Fuel, Not as a Hiding Place
Why it matters: Faith without stewardship leads to passivity. Real trust invites action. Trusting God and facing your finances are not in conflict—they work in partnership.
What to do:
Pray over your finances—and take aligned action.
Read scripture on money stewardship and reflect.
Shift from “I’m waiting on God” to “I’m co-creating with God.”
Affirmation: “My faith fuels my financial leadership.”
6. Set Boundaries Around Emotional Spending
Why it matters: Emotional spending can temporarily numb discomfort, but it often leads to long-term regret. Boundaries = empowerment.
What to do:
Wait 24 hours before making non-essential purchases.
Identify your emotional triggers and choose healthier outlets (walks, journaling, phone calls).
Set a “joy fund” so you can indulge without guilt.
Affirmation: “I spend with intention, not impulse.”
7. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Why it matters: Money healing is not about perfection—it’s about movement. Every small win is a building block toward a stable, abundant future.
What to do:
Track and celebrate every step (even the hard ones).
Keep a “Money Wins” journal.
Reflect monthly on what’s shifting, not just what’s missing.
Affirmation: “Every step I take is proof that I’m rewriting my financial story.”
Positivity With Power
You weren’t created to live in fear of your finances. You were created to steward resources, to lead with clarity, and to build a life of purpose, not panic.
If you’ve been hiding behind “positivity” to avoid your finances, let today be the day you step into a deeper version of peace—the kind that comes not from ignoring, but from leading.
You don’t have to be perfect to be powerful. You just have to be present.
Let this be your gentle reminder: positivity is not pretending everything is fine.
True positivity says, "I believe in a better future, so I’m brave enough to face the truth today."
You’ve got this. And your future self? She’s already thanking you.
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We rise better together.
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